A Terrible Agreement
by Spacensky
Summary: Throughout the years, Zim and Gaz were hardly on speaking terms, and any interactions were strained at best. Now, Gaz wants Bloaty's limited edition Infinitos Pizza. Zim, growing more paranoid, wants to find a new way to maintain his "normal" image. When they realize they need each other to get what they want, they must come to a compromise...that comes with a terrible consequence.
1. Prologue: Waves

Do I own iz? Nay, I am but a worthless human worm baby caving into my fangirlish desires

...

An incessant, annoying shrill reverberated in Gaz's room. She hated how the walls between her and Dib's room were so paper thin.

"Gaz! I just installed some spy cams so I count monitor Zim's every move like the paranoid weirdo I am!

Gaz's only response was a grunt.

"And Zim has not come out of his house for at least a month! This has to mean something! Just what is he planning?"

Gaz grunted, again. Only more aggressively.

She tapped a bit harder at her game controls.

"I tried to remember what Zim was doing last I saw him and he seemed perfectly normal! I think We should take turns monitoring Zim's house in case anything weird happens! Whatdya say?"

She pounded the buttons even harder, they seemed to emit a rumbling sound as she did so.

"wait Gaz! maybe I should stay here and look out while you keep up appearances at school—"

"SHUT UP DIB!" Gaz finally bellowed as she punched the wall beside her bed.

She heard Dib shriek in surprise, and a thud that came after—he must have fallen painfully. She gave a small grin knowing she had earned herself some peace and quiet.

She resumed playing, thankful that her swift albeit risky action did not make her lose the game. So what if Zim stopped bothering them? It meant she would actually have time to live her life and not be dragged around by her brother every time Zim did so much as breathe. She was actually fine with Dib being cooped up in his room for a couple of days (or, she hoped it would be a couple of days. Any longer and Dib would stink up the house) She actually had a lot of catching up to do in the gaming world, and she had been meaning to get into something called "online gaming".

Suddenly, Professor membrane barged through Gaz's door, "Daughter! Something has gone terribly awry in the time space continuum!"

Gaz hardly looked up from her controller as she sat on the bed and said nonchalantly, "aw man, that stinks dad."

Professor membrane continued,his fist trembling in emphasis, "A nearby black hole collided with another black hole, and its anti-energy waves finally hit our galactic region! It's effects majorly slow down the passage of time while still at the same time, advancing it forward!"

Gaz finally paused her game and looked up at her father in confusion, "so...does this mean the human race is doomed or…?"

"think of it as if we were cartoons, and we were put into a dreadful hiatus! Time is advancing and yet we will remain the same, but to what extent, I still do not know! I am telling you this because The crawling effects can literally stretch our bodies into proportions so horrifying, our appearances will permanently change! So I want you to wear these special collars around your wrists so you can have minimal damage, okay honey? Come see me if you feel as if you'll implode." Professor membrane ended in an oddly fatherly manner. He stepped out of the room and swiftly made his way to Dib's room, most likely to spew the same stuff Gaz certainly already forgot.

She returned to her game, shaking her head. Why did all the guys in her life have to be so… weird? and dramatic? She loved her father but honestly, Membrane and Dib were so much alike. She swears Dib's like a clone of him sometimes…

 _The ninja rabbit managed to dodge the projectile from king firefly, and he landed a final blow on the beast with his mighty sword. The king cried in agony and dissolved like snow. The rabbit, wounded but relieved, made his way to the child locked in the cage. The young prince looked out from the bars, and shrieked, " You have come!"_

 _The ninja sighed in relief and began to cry, "Let us go home, my brother! Mother and Father will be expecting our return!"_

 _But the young prince began to laugh… youthfully, then flatly, then… menacingly._

 _"Your brother? oh you poor fool," the prince now grumbling in the voice of a man, "You just killed him! what stands before you is my perfect disguise as him! Think of it! I return home alone, and say, 'father! mother! I am all that is left of your kin. My dearest brother DIED trying to save me!"_

 _The ninja cried out, "No! NO! YOU COULDN'T HAVE- YOU WON'T! HAVE AT THEE!"_

And the scene cut to black, the game credits rolling.

Gaz sat dumbfounded at the ending. That couldn't have been the end! She mouthed a "woah" and breathlessly stared at the crawling names across the screen. This game honestly rivaled Vampire Piggy Slayer 2 for her favorite game series of all time. She could not wait for the sequel to come out next summer—

Next summer.

The black hole waves.

How long until next summer? months? YEARS?

Gaz nearly crushed her Game slave 3 in fury, she grit her teeth and gave out a low growl. She shook and the world around her grew dark, an unholy ethereal flame emitted from the very depths of her soul.

"CURSE YOU STUPID HIATUS WAVES! CURSE YOU!"

...

Heya! So, this is not only my first iz fic, but also my first attempt at a multi-chapter fanfic! WHEW! Scary territory for me haha.

So I wanted to start by plugging in some stuff in the comics like an explanation for the irl hiatus in iz, and the interactions between Gaz and Zim in the comics so far. I want to set up what they have between each other so far as the foundation for the actual plot, which is where Gaz is in her teens. I don't really wanna jump into the romantic plot out of fear that it'll make the development seem ooc. I'm really just experimenting here, so please leave a review and tell me if you like it so far! Any constructive criticism helps. :D see ya till then!


	2. Prologue: A Resolve and a Return

Today is opposite day. I own iz. Kneel before the creator, you fools.

—-

Gaz stirred the spoon mindlessly around her bowl, with her free hand pressed against her cheek. she separated the sugar puffsh from the inferior wheat puffsh and tried to scoop all of the former in her utensil, to no avail. Gaz gave a small frown, and began pushing the sugar puffsh to the bottom of the bowl, imagining she was drowning her enemies.

Breakfasts became very quiet. Lunches and Dinners were quiet and—dare she admit—very lonely.

Gaz pushed her cereal aside, losing her appetite—it had gone soggy. She remembered how she used to hate eating with the family, there was no peace or quiet. Dib would open his stupid flaps, spouting like a madman, and the old recorded transmissions from dad would go faulty, repeating the same phrases over and over. Family nights were not so different either, the only thing being Membrane's awkward conversations that would always lead to something scientific or scholarly.

Yes, she had hated it, but it was all she had.

"Okay, stop with the emo thoughts," Gaz said to herself, "I should... just watch tv."

She made her way into the living room, and threw herself on the couch, making herself comfortable on her favorite edge. She grabbed the remote and tuned in to channel 9, and as the static dissolved, she saw her father on the news.

"It has been exactly 3,285 halt-days— make sure you have the membrane approved calendars to translate halt days to actual days passed, that's 9 weeks—since the waves, and still we have to solution to advance forward! However, since you all know that no aging occurs, you should continue to embrace your immortality...until we find a solution! This week we plan to launch a new-"

"Oh, give it a break dad." Gaz mumbled over her father's speech.

Professor membrane, somehow, managed to spend more time at work than he usually did, trying to solve the elusive case of the hiatus waves. Gaz was lucky to see him come home at the brink of midnight, if she could stay up that late, and even more lucky if he even yawned a hello to her.

And although he managed to construct a calendar that would put the mayans to shame, he forgot there was such a thing as family nights. Not that Gaz was counting, but today would have marked the 27th family night since the hiatus.

Gaz had an awful taste in her mouth, and something moist materialized around her eyes, threatening to spill over...

Ah, the toxic fumes from Dib had finally made their way downstairs. Gaz growled and whipped out an air freshener from thin air, spraying madly around the room, she hung multiple air patches to the fan, she turned on the many wax melting light stands near the walls. To many, it would seem like overkill, but Gaz knew better at this point in time. She even tested how long a living creature (she used her father's many lab rats from the basement) could withstand the fumes— 27 seconds. She went so far as to calculate how dense the fresheners's scent would have to be to counter Dib's Dibby Dib fumes exactly.

She deeply inhaled the now lavender scented room, and gave a sigh of relief, briefly fluttering her eyes. Lavender was such a lovely scent. Her expressions changed quickly, and she shouted at the top of her lungs, "DIB! Stop obsessing over Zim! He's probably dead at this point! Give up!"

"Never! I can't stop watching the feeds... I bet Zim is planning his most dastardly scheme yet! I think his absence is actually connected to the waves somehow!"

"Wha- that's stupid! You're stupid! Now would it kill you to at least take a shower?" Gaz was actually surprised Dib had responded to her threats, he hadn't said much since the waves began to form. Still, she was pretty pissed at him.

Dinner was nothing special. Gaz tried to keep herself company by modifying her bodyguard bots afterwards, but quickly grew bored.

"Ugh, maybe I should try playing another new game or something." she grumbled.

"Wait!" she shouted, to no one at all, "Why not limit myself to just one new game when I have the time to play every game ever made? There's like, tons of console games, online games, fan-games, I won't be bored! Bored to the point where...I'm talking to myself." She flushed in embarrassment at the last remark.

Gaz began to hike upstairs in resolve—not before packing some extra freshener with her of course—until she stopped in surprise, seeing her father come in through the front door.

"Dad?! You've...never been home this early."

"Daugh—Gaz, sweetie," Membrane corrected himself, Gaz merely lifted her brow in confusion at the gesture," The shrink the government forced me to hire at the Laboratory talked with me today, and she helped me realize that I should set aside my work time to be here to emotionally support you and raise you like I should."

Something stirred within Gaz, something hopeful and longing. Yet, she felt the urge to make a biting remark, "She told you something scientific about being a parent and that convinced you, huh?"

"The lack of using affectionate terminology stunts a child's well being, and statistically, my negligence could lead to malnutrition and unhygienic habits, or even worse, talking to yourself!" Membrane's fists, once more, shook avidly in emphasis.

Gaz slightly smiled and asked rhetorically,"Wow, good thing you'll stop these things from happening huh dad?"

Professor Membrane kneeled, and said, "Yes, Gazlene, and I will always be here from five to ten at night and at eight to nine in the morning from now on! Now come here and give your father an embrace that should release dopamine and heighten our bond!"

Gaz made her way across the room to her father, saying,"Uh, it's a hug. The embrace thingy is called a hug, dad."

It took 3,285 halt-days, but things were finally turning around for the better. For the first time in a while, Gaz felt really… good. Good that her dad was finally trying to come back into her life, in his weird, sciencey way.

And especially good about having something to do until the waves ended.

—

ehhhhh I kinda have mixed feelings about this chapter. I just really only wanted to get the two main events in Gaz's life aside so I can get to the good stuff.

It's kinda funny how zim's presence canonically affects how time flows in universe huh?

as alway please give me some pointers, reviews, random smashing from the keyboard, it all helps! :D and I'll try to make some sort of scheduled updates, I'm thinking every other day or so, maybe just on the weekends. I dunno, haha.

Catch ya'll later!


	3. Prologue: Toast of the French

I see people doing disclaimer stuff but does it really work? I dunno. Just following what I see on here. I don't own iz.

—

"43,804 games entered into the database so far."

Gaz somewhat regret her decision to complete every game ever made. She scanned the list on her computer screen; There were pc, mobile, console, arcade, and business games on the forum. Did she really want to go through all of them? Could she? Even if the waves lasted, it would roughly take her a lifetime to finish the list.

"Okay," Gaz began, unaware she was talking to herself yet again, " Maybe I'll just do all console and pc games. that takes me down to, what, 3,000 or so games? I can do it. I will do it."

She grabbed a pen and tore off the lid with her teeth. She hunched into her notebook intensely (something her teachers had scolded her for in the past) and began to write.

Meanwhile, Professor Membrane was downstairs, scratching the scythe that was his hair in confusion. Normally he'd buy takeout for his family, but the shrink had recently informed him that doing so shows signs of neglect and could potentially fatten his children (however, he was too late with Dib, that poor boy).

He… hadn't made a meal before. The closest thing to cooking he'd ever done was make cereal and—well, it was a stretch— his genetic modifications of toast into super toast.

Nevertheless, he was determined! Surely cooking is the mixing of complementary chemicals and substances to create a new substance! Why, it was dealing with the creation of compounds just like in his labs! Except this time, his creation would be edible.

"Alright Membrane, you've handled worse," He muttered to himself as he eyed the cookbook, his gloved fingers moving across the page as he read, "French… Toast. Toast of the french! Yes. This seems simple."

He reached for the eggs and vanilla extract and set them aside, and reached into the cupboard to grab a bowl.

"These steps are so easy! How hard can this be?"

….

Membrane stood gaping in his kitchen. Well, it was his kitchen. Now it was a charred mess. Apparently he had to oil inside pan so the bread wouldn't stick and burst into flames. He partially blamed the cookbook. It didn't describe exactly _where_ to oil the pan, he just assumed all of it had to be oiled and everything went downhill from there.

"What am I going to do now? I can't succeed in becoming a statistically better father with my kitchen in a rut!"

Membrane set aside his fire extinguisher and began to pace back in forth, his hand to his chin.

"Hmm, perhaps I can create the perfect cooking robot and simply be there to present it to my children! In this way I am still a major part of their meal routine!"

He rushed down into his lab in the basement, taking with him what was left of the oven and refrigerator. Being the genius that he was, he finished his work in exactly ten minutes. He gave a sigh of satisfaction and downloaded every recipe conceivable into the robot, its eyes growing fluorescent as it began to turn on.

"What is my purpose Professor Membrane?"

"You make food, Foodio 3000!"

"I understand, Professor Membrane. I wish that my concoctions please you. Also, what is love?"

Membrane's brow shifted and he gave somewhat of a grimace under his collar. He couldn't risk another robot gaining sentience and want to ultimately destroy humankind, so he merely avoided the question.

"I'm sure you'll perform wonderfully. Now go and make us french toast!"

...

Professor Membrane and Gaz couldn't get Dib out of his room, even though they tried everything. Gaz even hunted down bigfoot for him, but he turned him down. DIB turned BIGFOOT down, that jerk. Although, some part of Gaz was relieved, as she came to find out he wasn't such a bad guy. They even exchanged numbers so they would keep in touch.

The professor and his daughter simply decided that Gaz would be the one to shove Dib's food into the door until the day Dib decided to come out, and this routine worked fine up to the day zim returned.

Gaz knew the moment that she saw Zim on the feeds, she would never get the peace and quiet she had enjoyed since the beginning of the waves. But in the meantime, she was absolutely enthralled she and her father didn't have to constantly scent the house.

 _Zim was pretty smart in totally embarrassing Dib today. Those feeds were really funny. I guess him coming back wasn't so bad after all._ Gaz mused that evening as she played her SPS, _And who knows, maybe he'll come in handy later on._

Her thoughts came to a close as she realized she had finished the final minigame a while ago. She tossed aside the handheld in disinterest and brought her notebook to her side, flipping its pages until she landed in the "C" section. She took out a pen from inside the spiral of wire and crossed off "Cupcom Puzzle World".

"Two thousand down, one thousand more to go."

—

So I'm feeling generous and I'm uploading two chapters tonight! I'm finally getting into their interactions in the comics and from there, story time! I'm so pumped! I think I kinda skimped through this one actually haha. Excuse any grammatical errors xp

edit update: I totally forgot to put in the italics for this chapter ughh whyy

See you all next time!


	4. Prologue: The First Deal

Still don't own iz, aw booo

—-

Gaz set aside her pen—the poor lid was a chewed up mess from the many times Gaz had torn it off with her teeth— and stepped back from her wall, her pc controller still clutched in her right hand. The list had grown so long that she had to post papers from her notebooks to even keep track of it all. She gave a hefty sigh and examined the final name she had crossed off, a subpar pc game called Zytron II. She scanned the wall with her lidded eyes and saw the marks were eerily in likeness to a prison cell tally.

Gaz has finished all console, pc and handheld early on, yes. But she felt an itch to complete every game in existence, including the boring business games, the arcade games, mobile games. A part of her was scared she wouldn't know what to do with herself once she finished only 3,000 games, so she went and finished all 43,000 of them.

Now… now she felt empty. She felt so old from the countless hours spent dedicating herself, completely winded that her thumbs had gone through cramp after cramp, her wrists still aching from Zytron ll.

What would she do now that she finished every game in existence? She felt so drained from playing everything.

She just felt so _tired_.

"It's finished." She began solemnly, "I've defeated every game ever made. There are no more games." She felt herself lull as she stood. The world around her seemed to dim, and she felt herself disconnect from her body. There was nothing to look forward to. There was no reason to get up in the morning and check off a game from a list. There was no point in tuning out Dib if there was nothing to distract herself while he talked.

 _Perhaps_ , she thought, _perhaps_...

"There is no reason to li—"

Suddenly, a sweeping purple metallic arm lifted Gaz off the carpet. She hadn't even heard Zim's ship coming in through her wall. She felt so disoriented, a ringing resonated in her ears from the loud destruction of her room.

"Huh?" She said, as her hearing came to, "Oh, Zim. Didn't see you there. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"YOU DARE DEFY THE UNDEFIABLE ZIM?"

 _Geez, any louder and the ringing will come back in my ears…_

"Pfff, I guess so." She retorted.

Of course her remark had angered Zim, and she found herself promptly strapped to a "Brain Wrencher", as she heard him say. But Gaz's dissociative state threw off the machine, and it failed to obtain any information.

"Bleh, I don't really feel like having my brain wrenched today." She said, empty and monotone.

Zim was utterly baffled. He never recalled his machines failing just because his victims didn't feel like it. That wasn't how they were supposed to work! He wondered, what was it about this girl, that she could reject his AMAZING SUPERIOR technology?

"Oh!

Oh, well….

That's not good." He said.

An awkward silence fell between the two. Zim began to look around her room, and felt a bit disturbed when he fell upon her many tally marks on the wall. What was this human even capable of?

He decided to just release her and find another way to carry on his plan, and began to press the code to retract the Wrencher. From the corner of his eyes, he saw her look thoughtfully at the weird human game-y controller as she brought it up to her chest.

"Tell you what, though, Zim… I'll make a deal with you. They have games on other planets right?" She said.

Zim furrowed his brows and he snapped his head to face her. Now she was demanding a deal of sorts? How dare she demand something from the amazing Zim!

"How dare you demand something from the amazing Zim! You should feel lucky I was even considering letting you go!" Zim shouted.

"Don't YELL SO LOUD! I'm right here, geez." Gaz gave a frustrated sigh and continued, "look, I'll tell you what Dib is scared of if you can get me to some alien arcade."

"But how will we communicate if you are preoccupied?" Zim asked.

"uh, well I can multitask pretty well. I once did an 8-player Super Smash Sisters tournament with myself. I think the extra arms I made enabled me to have some heightened sense of my surroundings or whatever." Gaz shrugged her shoulders in dismissal.

Zim looked off to the corner of the room, and rubbed his chin in thoughtfulness, "Well then, We'll need some tools of transmission to keep in touch!"

Zim began punching in the code to release Gaz from the wrencher, and she began to also think on the agreement.

"Maybe we can have those wrist communicators I see in the movies all the time. I think that can wo—"

"SILENCE! I can't focus with you opening your soft fleshy flaps! Wait until I'm done." _Ugh, Humans,_ He mentally eye rolled.

Gaz gave a growl but remained quiet. She felt the wrencher let go with a pop and the arm set her down on her feet.

"Wait a second!" Zim snapped his fingers, "I have an idea! what if we used those wrist communicators you humans love so much?"

Gaz enlarged one eye at zim, drilling them into his skull with hate. She literally just said that.

Gaz began to make her way to his spaceship and said bitterly, "Sure. Now let's go."

Zim blocked her entrance and cried, "Do not come any further hyoooman! What do you think you're doing setting your slimy germs on Zim's ship?"

Gaz's patience was growing very thin. She gritted her teeth and grabbed Zim's collar, pulling him off the ship to meet her now opened eyes.

"Stop being an idiot and let me into your stupid ship so I can go to the stupid planet to play the games in peace! I am seriously _this_ close to calling off our stupid deal Zim!" She growled

Zim began to sweat. Her brown eyes were so… huge! and if he were capable of cowering, he would say he was downright terrified of how her irises were able to pierce through his contacts. Adrenaline pumped through him, and instinctively he brought his pak-legs out to push himself from her cold grip, both of their expression equally angered.

"FINE! I'll allow you to go inside my ship. But. Don't. EVER touch me like that again, Gus. Or there will be consequences!" Zim's voice began to rise and quiver in pitch as he clenched his fists," Oh such consequences there will be!"

The two jumped into the ship, and began to make their way out of the atmosphere. Neither said a word on the way over to their destination. Gaz stared out the window at the passing planets in mild interest. Zim preoccupied himself by designing the communication devices.

Gir after a significant amount of time, began to grunt, his voice growing more strained. He finally shouted, "I can't take this no more! URGHH the tension between you two! So high! My enchiladas are going to explode!"

Zim and Gaz gave each other a heated glance over GIR's screaming. Zim shifted from his work to sit up straight, and cleared his throat,

"Well, we are close to our destination, I believe we should disclose some information before I drop you off."

Zim waited for a response. Nothing was heard except the whirring of the ship and Gir's continued groans. A cheesy substance began to ooze from the top of his head.

He continued,"The planet we will go to is Arcadikon, the most popular gaming planet now seized under the Irken Armada. Normally it would take a whole Yloop to even afford the expensive prices, but I programed your watch to trick the Yleep scanners into thinking you payed them full price. This will allow you free access to all games. You should be thankful I'm doing this at all, Gus!"

Gaz still said nothing, her eyes barely open to meet Zim's red orbs.

"Hey look! We're here, Hhhaa!" Gir called out, and pressed his face against the window in awe.

Zim and Gaz looked out the window along with Gir, surprised they hadn't noticed their landing. Gaz's eyes enlarged and shone so brightly, reflecting the buildings and strange lights from all the game cabinets. Everything looked so… strange and beautiful. Games she would experience that no other human could play! She had a renewed sense of purpose at last, and her passion to play made her restless. She fell back on her seat and began to leave the ship.

Zim caught what she was doing out of the corner of his eye and he gripped her wrist, saying, "Hey! You need the watch from me, remember? But before I give it to you, tell me what is Dib's greatest fear, what makes him stay up at night?" Zim held the watch, taunting her. Gaz's lips went thin in impatience, her hands moved faster than her brain could think, and she hurled her pc controller she was still holding in one hand at Zim's gut. He let go of the watch and Gaz in surprise and received the controller in reflex. Zim looked at it in confusion, this held the answer to Dib's fear? How? He opened his mouth to question the Purple haired girl, but she was already out the door.

She shouted from a distance, "Okay Zim I'm off to play now so don't ever talk to me again!"

Gir waved in response, gayley sticking his tongue out of his mouth. Zim gave a look of confusion and annoyance, but shook his head and began to lead the ship back to earth.

"Aw, I hope Purple-guy has fun and makes lotsa friens!" Gir sang.

Zim gave a frustrated sigh and said, "What a strange human. Let's hope she's of any use, Gir."

—

WOW THIS ONE WAS LONG. I just? I got so excited that Zim and Gaz finally interact. lemme tell ya'll right now this issue is one of my favorites and I really wanted to explore Zim and Gaz's early chemistry and kinda add onto it.

As always please leave a review giving out your thoughts, criticism, whatever! :D See y'all later


	5. A New Way to Look Normal

One of the many things about Earth that confused Zim was the desks for studious worm babies. In elementary school, he had more than enough room to place objects, there were even small cubbies convenient for placing blueprints for domina—uh, homework.

In middle school, they were significantly smaller, and the seats managed to be more uncomfortable. Sitting in human chairs were always bothersome for Zim, due to his pak. To prevent slouching, a condition most alien species consider apeish and inferior, Zim had to learn how to stretch. Now, in the "high" school, the desk was next to nonexistent. All Zim could place on these infernal plastic tables were a couple of papers and some pencils. Worse, it meant the desks were too small for him to mount on and announce his greatness!!

He assumed the desks would amount to armrests in "college". Why did human desks shrink? He recalled discussing this odd aspect of human culture in his monthly reports to the tallest, and they simply gawked in confusion. The irkens on both ends of the transmission simply agreed that humans were stupid and pathetic. (Sometimes the Tallests would listen to Zim's reports in interest, only because they grew to find human culture interesting. And by interesting, it was stupid and always fun to make fun of. It validated the notion that irkens were clearly the superior race.)

Zim stared at his desk, mulling over new ways to take over the humans. It had been nearly five years since he landed on earth, and still world domination eluded him—no, he was taking things at a nice pace! Mustn't rush anything right? As the humans say, slow and steady wins the race?

 _Eugh_ , Zim poked his pencil in disdain as he thought, _I'm adopting earth idioms now. Being on this ball of filth is doing stuff to my amazing head._

To shake any more earth thoughts, he looked to the clock and stared at the hands. He soon realized that 1st period had started thirty minutes ago, and yet the teacher was still not present. Zim wondered if maybe the teacher had the misfortune of falling into the Grinkfunle trap he set up for Dib in the restroom. He hoped not, Grinkfunle traps were tedious to clean and reset, the blood likes to stick to the springs.

"—maybe you could go out with Zim?"

Zim's antennae instinctively poked against his wig at the mention of his name. He turned around from his desk to face a group of girls behind him, leaning from their desks to each other, whispering.

"Nah, I actually have my eyes on someone else. Don't laugh, but he's got really cute glasses and a trechco—"

Zim barked, "Who dares mention Zim?? what is this out going of which you speak?"

The girls glared at him for his eavesdropping and interruption of the confession, but then began to giggle among themselves. One of the girls, Zita, responded, "Hey freakazoid. We're just trying to see who Gretchen could date, we just mentioned you as a joke. She's way out of your league."

Another girl pitched in, "Know what Zita, I don't even think he's dated anyone before. Who doesn't date in high school honestly? That's so...

not normal."

"Pff, yeah," Zita said, "It's like he's...

not even human!"

Not human? Normal?! Curses! The pack of females were onto him! How could he have not known of this "date" ritual sooner? How was he supposed to know it took place during the high school years?

Zim heard the girls' cruel laughter echo in the classroom, nearby students looked in confusion, the tick of the clock seemed to pound—it was almost time for second period, if anyone was paying attention.His false lavender eyes shrank in fear, he began to sweat under his scratchy wig. He couldn't have his cover blown now! He had to ease their suspicions somehow, until he found someone to "go out" with. For now, he decided, he'd simply lie to stall for time.

"FOOLS!!! I wasn't clear on your terminology for "going out", my culture is, eh… we have a different way of saying it, yes! but I now that you have explained it to me, I can indeed confirm I am dating someone! Oh what dating I am doing with this person, yes! And tomorrow I shall—ACK"

Zim made the mistake of mounting the desk behind him. Since it happened to be unoccupied, Zim's weight against the flimsy wood made him fall. The girls ceased their laughing halfway through Zim's speech, but they burst out even louder after he fell. Finally, the bell rang and everyone began to leave towards the door.

Zita murmured to the girls under her breath as they left, "You think he'd learn from freshman year not to mount on the desks. What an idiot."

Omg I'm not dead, can you believe it?? Y'all thought I forgot about this fic huh? (IdidactuallyI'msorry) I've been busy with fbla and uil art competition, but now that those are over I can finally chill... before I have to worry about my AP tests in may hhhhaaaaaa

But mainly, I didn't know where I wanted to go with this story. I thought of the middle but not the end, and I had to write an outline of what I want to establish for each chapter. I'm gonna try and do consistent updates every week so I don't get rusty on my writing or forget my main story points :p

As always, feedback and critique is appreciated! 3


	6. Announcements With A Side of Birds

Gaz could hear some sort of lesson being taught by the droning teacher, something about phylogenetic trees portraying the evolutionary history of genes or whatever.

Gaz occasionally lifted her head to face her teacher so she could seem like she was paying attention and taking notes. In truth, she was mindlessly skirting her pen across the margins of her notebook, the rest of the blue lines barren.

She made her final mark on her doodle and she mentally stepped back to take in her full piece– a large canon destroying her Biology teacher. She realized her drafting skills had improved since her early days of drawing pigs and crude imaginings of Dib dying or being tortured. Her art, she concluded, would not be good enough for a stranger to look at it and say 'wow! you're super talented, I can only draw a stick figure. draw me!' but maybe adequate enough to earn a friendly, approving chuckle. And then the inquiry 'draw me!', Which of course would earn a punch from Gaz because _geez_ it's annoying. Gaz never did anything for anyone unless the third party owned her something, was a viable resource to her at the moment, or was family (even that was a stretch). She never thought of it as being cold or cruel, it was a reasonable conclusion when it came to interacting with other people. Despite her stature, she could easily take care of herself and work towards whatever she wanted. Growing up with family too preoccupied with their obsession or work molded her into a self preserving ball of terror, and she was perfectly fine with that. When it came to exerting physical pain towards others, Gaz found it to be especially amusing. She had no sympathy towards her fellow race because frankly, humans were all either stupid or insane. Merely talking to anyone annoyed her, and she had to exercise extreme self control even in the presence of anyone inferior.

And _this_ AP biology teacher was really testing her patience. He began to drool and blinked each eyelid at the time, keeping his index finger hovering without purpose in the air. Gaz grit her teeth, hoping class would end soon, or be interrupted due to a teacher mysteriously getting caught in some weird (proper term: Alien) trap again. The teacher's drool escalated into a waterfall, spreading to the furthest ends of the classroom walls, and the students struggled to stay afloat in saliva that reeked of leftover tuna. Gaz frantically looked across the room to the clock for assurance that her he'll would finally end, she looked to the window and wondered if her fists would survive crashing through the glass to escape. Something, _anything_ –

Then, a much, much too airy voice came from the intercom.

"Attention all teachers!"

The teacher jerked his head in confusion and closed his mouth into a silent "oh?" in attention. The saliva began to drain out of the classroom through the cranny of the door, and the group of soaked students sighed in relief.

The voice continued,"You might remember some of your classrooms being closed due to construction. well, I am here on behalf of the mysterious student council to say that we have listened to the complaints of teachers and finally installed the prep rally tunnels so the performing arts kids can prep sooner. Please fa….family…? familer…. get used to the prep rally button next to the detention and underground classroom button. The principal told me that you should ignore any grinding sounds you may hear because it's probably the air conditioner."

Everyone in the room collectively blinked in anticipation. Skool announcements always ended with a shrie–

"EMERGENCY PREP RALLY IN 6 MINUTES!!! BYE!"

Okay, when she begged whatever higher power for some sort of out, she did NOT mean those awful, horrible, intolerable high skool prep rallies. Gaz groaned and writhed, not caring she was drawing the attention of 20 pairs of eyes. She clenched her fists and raised them to the sky, bellowing "I NEARLY DROWNED IN SALIVA, IN THIS GODFORSAKEN CLASS, TO GET "SAVED" BY A PREP RALLY?? CURSE YOU HIGHER POWERS, CURSE YYOOOUUU!"

Prep rallies may have been fun for the band or–eugh– the snooty dance teams, but never for Gaz.

She was not too keen on spending an entire hour baking under the sun in bleachers that were practically frying racks. Often, birds would perch on the benches and sizzle to a crisp in a matter of seconds. Sure, the smell of cooked bird might be enticing for a while, but after a sum of birds were fried, the stench of burnt meat would make even an anosmic tear in disgust. Which is why Gaz came prepared under her father's patented "Frying-Under Conditions Kit: Umbrella edition". The stench was brought to a minimum and blocked any UV rays, plus it had a built in cooler. Gaz thought the title could use some work though.

Underneath the umbrella with her was of course, her brother. The prep rally was almost over when Dib started incoherently mumbling about Zim suddenly disappearing from the bleachers. Gaz blandly suggested that maybe Zim had burned under the sun and died.

"HHHHELLO MY FELLOW ABOLISHMENTS! It is I, you're most powerful and important _human_ student, ZIM!"

Gaz stopped mid-sentence from a fresh insult to Dib, and both Membrane siblings snapped their heads towards the alien. She was a bit far from the bottom of the football yard, but she could she the tiny creature using a bound and gagged student body president as his stool. In fact, Zim was surrounded by body, staff and council members who were bound. Gaz mentally nodded in approval at his stealthy success in shutting up the chatterboxes halfway through the last dance performance.

Dib gasped in a way only Dib could gasp: annoyingly loud and long. He grabbed Gaz's shoulders and said,

"Zim's taken those students hostage Gaz! And he's probably gonna do some alien thing to us right now, or announce he's launching his biggest invasion! He's never gone this far at a prep rally Gaz!"

Dib was unknowingly rocking Gaz back and forth, making her lose her grip on the F.U.C….. erm, Patented Umbrella. It swayed to the right just enough so that a beam of radioactive sunlight hit her pinky toe, sending a wave of pain through her foot.

Gaz narrowed her brows and growled, "Let go Dib. NOW."

Her brother quickly released his grip and raced down the bleachers, announcing, You don't have to tell me twice Gaz! I'm on it!"

Once again, Dib was completely oblivious to the pain he cause her in spouting his Paranormal nonsense. Gaz clenched her jaw and began to rub her burnt foot, hopefully alleviating some of the heat. It didn't work, and her pinky toe began to pulse, sending waves through her legs. Gaz grimaced and decided to focus on Zim's announcement to distract herself.

"I have an important announcement to close off this torturous _human_ ritual with… I am dating! Yes, Zim is 'going out', as you all here say. Yep, my _human_ liver is churning with courtship."

The entire crowd of teenagers were silent. Zim assumed it was out of shock.

Dib stopped halfway through his tackle to fully absorb what Zim had just said. Dating? Was he serious? That was his big announcement???

One teenager broke the silence and shouted, "ok yeah, can we go to lunch now?"

Zim looked down to the student body president, who bit back tears as his heels dug into her scalp. She weakly nodded and Zim dismissed the students to lunch. Some kids pushed against each other as they descended from the bleachers, others decided to jump straight from their seats and hit the ground with deadly crack. A few wimps never lifted their heads from the pavement.

Dib pushed against the wave of children to confront Zim, who was awkwardly shuffling to avoid getting stepped on. Dib dragged Gaz along simply because she still had protective umbrella. The pointy haired boy pointed a finger towards Zim, but immediately recoiled as his finger came in contact with sunlight. He nudged Gaz's wrist forward so the umbrella covered all three of them.

Dib turned back at Zim and shouted, "I don't know what you're planning Zim, but you know I'll do whatever it takes to stop you from taking over the earth!"

Faux blue eyes rolled in defiance, and two rows of zippered nodules flashed, "Your large head must be empty Dib, I simply said I was dating. That's what normal _humans_ do, right? There's no trick up my sleeve."

Dib grunted, obviously unconvinced. Zim unlocked his piercing glare at his nemesis and looked up at the enormous cover-thingy. His eyes traced the metal digits back to a curved handle, which was being held by Gaz.

Zim brought his hand to his chin, rubbed in thoughtfully and said, "What is this contraption? It ingeniously blocks the sun from burning Zim."

"It's an umbrella, you moron. Every _human_ knows what that is." Gaz said.

Zim shifted at her retort and weakly responded,"ehh, of course!"

"And not everyone has to date you know. You only go shoving it in everyone's throats if you're really insecure, needy and just a plain weirdo-"

"WHICH I AM NOT, GRUNT!" Zim barked in retaliation. He knew this insufferable, violently scary girl well enough to know when she casted an insult, and he was NOT going to let it slide. Unknowingly, his pak legs peaked out from his back in reflex. He felt their tips whir in preparation for battle, and he itched to disintegrate her, but forced them back in stationary mode lest he risk exposing his nature.

"-ok, sure, whatever. Either way people are gonna get curious to see your date Zim. You're just gonna make it harder if you keep announcing it. Now that I think about it though, I wanna be there when this comes to bite you in the but. It'll make for a good laugh." Gaz finished and began to walk away.

Dib saw the fury boiling up inside Zim. He really appreciated it when his sister helped his cause in rare instances. Dib topped off her warning with his own,

"And I'll be there too Zim! I still haven't given up our fight, and my dissection recordings will air sooner than you think! I'll show everyone that you're a rotten aliieeaaaaAAAAAGAZWAITUPAAAAA!"

Dib's entire body felt like it was on fire without his sister to cover him. He began bolting to her side, sort of running, sort of dancing on his toes with pain. He couldn't hear past his screaming or the deafening pulse of hurt shooting through him. The field was now completely empty, and the unmoving students stuck to the asphalt suddenly disappeared. The only sound reverberating through the perimeter was Dib's cry and the amused laughter of a purple haired girl and a green alien.

I changed things up a little bit! and by a bit I mean a lot. I'm kinda experimenting with my style of storytelling and the lengths of my chapters so be patient with me ya goobs.

Also I might not be able to post as often because I finally have a job for the first time now (yay wooo), so I'll try to make up for it by longer chapters to cover more ground :)


	7. Panic! At The Lunchroom

Collective clangs and tinks against the unwashed tiles echoed down the hall. What was it? Was that…

"metal?" Panted a frail little freshman.

He dared a glance behind him to see if that short green senior was close. He couldn't see him, but the sound was coming closer. He guessed it was a metal bat that Zim would use to smash his head in, but the sounds were in succession…. he couldn't possibly have more than one metal weapon on hand would he?

The "foreign" student was entirely unpredictable, and this unfortunate freshman wished his upperclassmen friends had warned him of Zim sooner. Everyone knew to generally avoid that big headed kid, but no one knew when it was safe to even stand 10 feet near Zim. Some days he was quiet, invisible, one might even say observant if they cared to look. Other days, he seemed bent on causing destruction towards others. This little freshman was oblivious to everything of course, and never noticed Zim until that stupid prep rally three months ago. A while earlier, he had run into zim– literally. He was on a mission to relieve his bladder after saving up his one hall pass privilege for an entire year, and didn't see him crossing the hall outside of his class. Zim took advantage of this and began to ask if the freshman was aware he was "on a date". Frankly, he didn't care to stay and chat, muttering a "yeah right" and pushed him aside.

If he ever got out alive, he'd make sure to to never accuse Zim of being wrong again.

A sinister laugh echoed from everywhere at once, "You dare defy Zim? You claim that Zim is without a date?"

He whimpered, never finding the courage to retort. Where was he? His vision was clouded by his dripping sweat. If he was near, he couldn't hold his breath even if he tried, the air around him felt too hot to think. He found himself at the end of 8th hall, with no where else to turn. Pressing himself against the wall, he waited.

Zim's voice was closer, and clearer, " I hope you enjoy nightmarish visions of flushing toilets, you filthy human worm!!"

The freshman gave a yelp, his pants suddenly warm. He inched towards one of the massive air vents embedded to the wall to dry himself.

Big Mistake.

Something from inside the vents, cold and sharp, grabbed his forearm and stole him inside. His scream pierced throughout the school, and died within seconds.

Those accustomed to Zim's antics hardly batted an eye. Others shivered, worried they may be next. One thing they all knew was that no one was safe. It didn't matter whether a student hid in the forbidden teacher workroom or retreated to the deepest bowels of the underground classrooms. If they were within a mile radius of Skool grounds, an alien of the shortest stature would find them and announce, "Did you know that I, Zim, a normal human boy, is going out on a date with someone?". Few students dared to scoff at this sad, green "child", and word quickly spread that these students disappeared for good. It appeared Zim struck again, and the students were getting sick of hearing this declaration over and over. Some hoped that Zim's zeal would die down, but those who've shared classes with him since grade school knew better. For all they knew he could go on for the rest of the school year.

The bell rang for lunch not long after the freshman disappeared, and the halls were flooded with grimy adolescents within seconds. Try as they might, their collective chattering could not drown the distant sound of a crying preteen, and an overflowing toilet.

xXxXxXxX

Gaz wasn't sure how abominations like skool lunch could be any worse, but Zim was a pioneer in ruining things.

Gaz could hear him from across the room, repeating his lines like a practiced Jehovah's witness. She tried to ignore him by focusing on the pizza that Foodio made for the Membrane siblings (a Naples-style pizza with bubbling crust, a favorite in Milan apparently). She was grateful that her father accidentally stumbled into the skool lunch online menu when he really was trying to see his children's grades a few years back. He commissioned Foodio to make Dib and Gaz lunch ever since, and even built an anti-skool-lunch lab next to the anti-santa lab. Gaz appreciated Professor Membrane's sentiments….however extreme and weird they were.

The pizza was warm in her cold hands and the steam patted her cheeks. She didn't realize, but her lips curled upwards ever so slightly.

"I'm so glad our kitchen burned down when we were kids," Dib said as he lifted the pizza to his lips, "Foodio's one of the best things dad invented."

"You said it Dibwad." Gaz replied, never taking her eyes off her slice.

Across the table, Zim was scoping out students that seemed like they had forgotten his status. He knew which students to pick based on how they looked at him. If they seemed fearful and skittish, he had already talked to them. However Zim glanced at Old Kid, and saw no such reaction.

Old kid simply gave his signature elderly wave, and said "How ya doin greeny?"

Zim blinked. Then, he clasped his hands together, and gave an evil sneer. His sweet tone betrayed his appearance, "Oh, greetings Old Kid!"

Zim quickly made his way to Old Kid's table and sat across from him. Zim gave a toothy grin and tilted his head to the side to appear more friendly. Zim batted his eyes saying, "Did you know that I, a normal human boy, am going out on a date?"

Old Kid grimaced at the display. As genuine Zim tried to seem, he came across as very off putting. His smile was too wide, his violet eyes completely opened. Old Kid shifted in his seat, and rearranged his cane. He moved his plastic spoon towards his jello– the only food besides soup he could eat without hurting his gums.

Old Kid gave a nervous chuckle, "O-oh, is that so sonny? Well I remember back in '18 when I went on a date with this fine young gal. Yep, some gal she was."

"uh huh, sure." Zim said. He cocked his head back upright and slouched into his seat, losing his facade. In truth, Old Kid was a very boring and wrinkly individual. Zim lazily scanned the lunchroom and found that a group of goths in the back were staring at him with lidded, uninterested eyes. He raised himself up and gave a zippered grin. More students to inform!

"Well this talk was very enlightening and I would love to hear more about your dating experience, but I have some informing to do, good day elderly adolescent!" Said Zim, speeding over every word.

Zim extended his hand to shake, but in his haste, karate chopped Old Kid's jello that sat in front of him.

Old kid gnashed his gums and angrily yelled as angry as an old kid could yell, "My jello! That was my lunch you bafoon! AUGH! GET AWAY YOU BLASTED GREEN BEAN!"

Old kid grabbed his cane, and began to hit Zim across his face.

"Ow! HEY!"

Zim tried to shield his head with his small arms to no avail. He then decided to duck beneath his seat on the next blow. Old kid lost his balance, not expecting to miss. He fell from his chair and let go of his cane, and it flew all the way to the membrane siblings's table. The entire lunchroom watched in impending horror as the stick seemed to fall in slow motion. One of the rubber tips of the stick hit Gaz's pizza right in the center and knocked it clean off her hand. It landed on the floor with a deafening splat. The handle of the cane hit Gaz's forehead and finally fell on the floor besides the Pizza.

Zim faced towards the siblings and immediately froze in his mounted position on the table. Old kid whimpered from his cradled position on the floor. The only noise that could be heard was the soft buzz from the red fluorescent lights that dangerously hung from thin wires.

Dib was the first one to break the silence and said, "Gaz! Oh m– hey, are you ok?? I think foodio packed us an ice bag for our drinks, lemme help with the swelli–"

"No. I don't need it. Lay off." Gaz spoke with a low, thundering voice.

Gaz sharply turned her head towards Zim, so hard that Dib swore he heard a shotgun sound emit from the bones of her neck.

Zim weakly lifted his hand and said, "Ahh… FOOLISH ELDERLY CHILD! LOOK WHAT YOUR IGNORANCE HAS DONE!" Zim eyed Gaz nervously, hoping that his performance would persuade her to take her anger on Old Kid.

"This stupid boy is clearly at fault! I was only trying to calmly tell him that I am dating!"

Gaz rose from her seat and began to hover over the table. She floated towards the corner of the table to face Zim. He broke into a sweat and tried to control the trembling in his arms by balling his fists, but it barely helped. Gaz was a few inches away from Zim, and amber irises met sapphire irises.

"Oh, you're dating someone, huh? pfft. ok."

Every student opened their mouths in shock. No one dared to scoff at Zim unless they had a death wish. Zim felt his blood boil. Yes, his fists were trembling, but it was for an entirely different reason now.

He narrowed his brows and shouted, "You dare scoff at the amazing Zim?"

This stupid little girl had pushed him far enough. She denied his plan to wrench her brain, she sabotaged his ingenious abduction of Dib years ago, and she somehow managed to beat him to a pulp either verbally or physically whenever they crossed paths. As leery he was of the girl, he was accustomed to her aggressive nature. In fact… he was so accustomed that perhaps he had some confidence in finally destroying her. Zim took notice of Gaz's chest and realized that the leftover waves from the hiatus times left him slightly taller than he usually was today. He smiled evilly to himself at this advantage–yes, he could pummel her in a thymol of a redsquat now that he came up just below her collarbone. His internal battle functions began to warm up the lasers inside his pak. If she was asking for a fight, then she was going to get one.

" I'd choose your next words carefully, _human_."

Gaz's jaw tightened to the point that her cheeks went red. Did he really just challenge, no, threaten her? After all those years of beating him, heck, even doing a better job of taking over the world than him, he thought he could land a single hit on her? And… why was he looking at her chest like that… and smiling? Was he…

Oh. that. was. it.

"You keep going on that you're dating someone, that you're normal. But how about this Zim,

who is your date? where are they?"

The internal machines stopped whirring. He retracted his brandished claws and his narrow eyes grew wide in surprise. Well. That was unexpected.

"i-uhm. It's– she's…"

Zim felt the heat from her gaze and looked at anything other than her blazing eyes. Zim saw the students whispering to themselves, realizing Zim always gave vague details and could very well be lying. So this was her approach this time! Exposing him in front of his peers while she pressed him on. A part of him wished that she would just punch him and call it a day. How did the students classify as long range relationships again? He tried to compose every thing he heard of this type of relationship from conversations he heard in the halls.

"She goes to a different unit of learning, but we always keep in touch on the line!"

That was a decent save, she figured. Still, she heard the shakiness in his voice and knew that she could push him further. His confidence could only take him so far.

"Ok, so she goes to another high skool. Show me a picture of your date then, Zim." Gaz sneered.

"...what?"

She saw Zim stiffen and take a step back. He was finally cracking. Time to land her final hit.

"What? Everyone takes pictures with their date Zim. it seems like up to now you haven't had any proof of you dating anyone."

The whispering within the cafeteria grew louder. Some kids even gasped at this revelation. Many began to look back and forth between Gaz and Zim, wondering what either would say next. Dib grew teary eyed at his sister's display of hostility. He reveled in the rising air of doubt surrounding Zim. He clasped his hands together and was truly proud of his sister in the moment.

Gaz tore through Zim's contacts and drank in the fear that streamed from his real eyes. She gave a low chuckle and teased, "Why Zim, you can't even tell us her name!"

Zita spoke up, "Yeah, She's right! Who even _is_ your girlfriend dorkazoid?"

"Yeah _freak_ ," a boy called from an adjacent table, "are you lying?"

"He's gotta be. I mean, he doesn't post about her or anything. That's so _not normal_." came another voice.

"yeah, and he is _standing_." called a zit ridden girl.

Those final words hit Zim like a ton of earth rocks. He looked around to see questioning students gazing at him like… like he's an alien. He took one glance at Dib, and saw his zippered grin as he began to take out his alien handcuffs. He was practically feeding off the doubts of the students as they spoke out.

Zim felt the crescendo of voices pound against him. He looked back into Gaz's eyes– ugh! why did they have to be so huge? His pak emitted a warning signal to his lenses, saying that his atmosphere processor was shortening.

He found himself panting. He couldn't look at her anymore. He couldn't face Dib's sickening grin. He couldn't think of what to say to the lunchroom full of doubting children. He couldn't believe a simple accusation from Gaz left him so exposed, and he had felt prepared too. Why couldn't he defeat her? Why couldn't he ever win?

He gave a shriek and bolted towards the doors, waving his arms madly behind him. Zim ran past the skool building, never slowing down. He never broke his strides and soon found the horizon revealing his base. His sweet, safe, armed base.

He was well beyond her reach, but he swore he heard her dripping laugh just behind his antennae.

xXxXxXxX

Gir scanned his cards carefully. A joker, a queen, a hippie, and an ace. His next move was imperative, and after 6 hours calculating his options, he finally made his move.

"I call uhh,

uhhh,

UHHHHHHHHGGHAUGHHH I CANT DO IT MINIMOOSE! YOU WINNED!"

Minimoose gave a squeak of victory and set down his cards. A joker, a queen, a hippie, and a crudely drawn bug. Damn, the house computer thought as his arms began to put the cards away, he is good. The computer detected an irken pak coming in quickly, which meant Zim was on his way home. If he had eyeballs, he would roll them out of their eye sockets in malcontent. The computer reluctantly signaled the door sensor to release the roboparents as soon as Zim stepped into the lawn.

The roboparents whired from inside the house and launched from their closet. They made their way to the entrance and peaked outside the peephole, and were crushed as Zim abruptly opened the door. He clenched his fists and angrily pointed a hand to the sky.

"My plan has been foiled! The students doubt my normalness more than ever before!" Zim said in a hoarse voice.

He marched over to his henchmen's side and dragged them along with him. He stopped at the coffee desk next to the kitchen, and an elevator lift emerged from the bottom of the floor. Zim kept his face in a pout as they descended, and never loosened his grip on Gir or Minimoose.

Minimoose gave a squeak, to which Zim replied, "I'm glad you asked minimoose. We're going to assemble a new plan to make me appear normal in front of my peers. At this stage of growth, they're concerned with my "dating status". Now that I have been exposed by that wretched, female purple, I need to come up with something more engenius than what I had before!"

The lift gave a chime and the doors opened to the computer room. Sometimes Zim retreated at this part of the base to contact the Tallests or study earth video games for extended amounts of time (you can never do enough research with human simulations!), but he loved this room the most for one purpose: scheming. The miscellaneous sounds from machines built on his home planet put him into a trance. The floors were wide enough for him to pace back and forth without running out of room.

"Computer!" Zim called out.

A voice coming from everywhere only gave a groan in acknowledgment. He was too uncaring to answer back.

"I need suggestions for a new way to get a date! It seems like I need to provide physical evidence of some sort to keep the students at bay."

The computer snapped into obedience mode, "Understood Sir! I have carefully calculated two options for maximum dating status. The optimal one is this sir: I will find you a real human girl to date, one that is most compatible with you. Drag her around you cluelessly in hopes of fooling your peers. Hilarity ensues."

Zim brought his hand to the folds between his eyes and pinched them. He slowly inhaled and brought his face up to respond.

"oh! what an interesting idea computer. But you seem to forget that I tried this and FAILED WITH TAK YEARS AGO!" Zim shouted, "WHY ON THIS EARTH would you THINK I would easily do this again? With an actual human at that?? What is wrong with you computer?"

Zim turned to his henchmen in hopes of a better idea, and saw Gir laughing besides minimoose in insanity.

Gir squealed, "Ooooh I wanna see the hilar-it-y en-sue! You should grab an old lady's pigtails! I do that and I go flyin in the air, WOO! Or date someone who'd punch you to a barbershop. How about that scary girl that lives in Dib's ears?"

"NO Gir. No way I would ever date that purple human. Her and her haunting eyes. Her eyeeees!" Zim said.

Minimoose had an idea. He wasn't sure it was entirely foolproof, but it was totally better than what the computer and Gir had in mind. He gave a squeak. Zim's eyes widened. It sounded… not painful. He rubbed his chin in thought and contemplated this idea further.

After a brief moment, he said, "computer, display potential blueprints and scheme outlines for this plan that Zim clearly made just now!"

He started to examine the scrolling screen when his eyes grew scratchy. Zim hardly realized he kept his stupid disguise on this whole time, and quickly tore his contacts and wig off. He gave a grunt a tossed then aside for the sweeper to pick up. He turned back to his enormous display to read the details of the plan. The bright screen scrolled a mile a minute, information in his native tongue reflecting in his glossy eyes.

Zim gave a low chuckle that slowly grew into a laugh that reverberated throughout his entire base. As it began to die down, he rubbed his hands with glee and furrowed his eyes.

"Yes… this will do quite nicely."

xXxXxX

y'all thought you knew where this was going, but I have pulled the rug from under you, you fools!

yeah I'm finally getting back to this piece after being gone for a decade. ;p And to compensate, I made it even longer! I really like how this chapter turned out, I loved describing the tension between Zim and Gaz.

Also, Zim wasn't being a perv at all, I hope you caught that. _ Gaz just severely misinterpreted his reactions to being a little taller due to the waves.

What is Zim planning? guess you'll find out next chapter ahuhuhu~


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